Ending our relationship with Aaron Kimberly

And a vision for Stone Butch Disco going forward

Dear Readers,

A little over two months ago, we connected with Aaron Kimberly. Rachel had reached out to Aaron via direct message on Substack to compare notes on the unique social vulnerabilities that masculine females experience in both feminist and queer-adjacent social spaces, something that Aaron had written publicly about for some time. Aaron suggested that they record their first conversation, to which Rachel agreed. That first conversation, which was released later as episode 2 of the renewed Stone Butch Disco, focused on the search for solidarity among masculine women, and discussed how Aaron and Rachel had tried to offer an image of that solidarity in their respective careers as a nurse and teacher. 

After that conversation, Aaron listened to two episodes from the first run of Stone Butch Disco, and Rachel shared some of her writing from the original SBD website with Aaron. As they discussed the writing and aims of the original project, Rachel explained that SBD had been focused on promoting loving, healthy relationships between butches and femmes. Akiva, who knew Rachel from conversations they’d had around the original SBD, had gotten in touch with Aaron about the collaboration with Rachel, and all three began to discuss the cultural biases that make it difficult for butch and femme lesbian sexuality to flourish, including the widespread use of the terms “butch” and “femme” in contexts outside of butch-femme sexual orientation. When we first started meeting, our intention was to talk theory, read, and write together about butch-femme, with the idea that we would build strong relationships and write together before recording or publishing anything.

But quickly after we started, Aaron pushed for us to spend our time instead recording podcast episodes for public release. Independently, the two of us did not have time to sufficiently organize and edit a podcast, and we were more interested in exploring new ideas that could be discussed in a slower way through writing. But with Aaron’s offer to edit and manage release of the podcast, when some relevant topics emerged that it seemed it would be a positive contribution to the discourse to discuss, a few episodes were recorded with Rachel and Aaron, later adding Akiva. Once we started recording, Aaron pushed us to continue dedicating time to it each week, and was resistant to suggestions of slowing down the pace to allow for more time for writing. Thinking of this innocently, we agreed to continue.

In retrospect, Rachel and Akiva brought the emphasis on healthy butch-femme relationships, while Aaron repetitively focused conversation onto specific women that Aaron felt slighted by. Due to Rachel and Akiva’s personal histories in abusive relationships, they entertained conversation around uniquely butch vulnerabilities to abuse for a few weeks, culminating in an unreleased 6th podcast episode in which Aaron’s relationships with these women were discussed under the false premise that they were targeting Aaron. It became clear from conversations on and off the recording that Aaron’s treatment of women and especially feminine women was of serious concern. Despite the fact that Rachel requested that Aaron not post the 6th episode anywhere, including on Aaron’s personal channels, Aaron posted it to personal YouTube and Facebook accounts, and used pieces of the audio to harass women via direct message. We were lied to, manipulated, and used. Following these revelations, we removed Aaron from the Stone Butch Disco team.

Over this time, we were misled to believe that Aaron was being unfairly targeted as a masculine woman in an all-female social space, an experience that resonated with us as butch women. We were told that Aaron had left the LGBT Courage Coalition of Aaron’s own accord, but found out later that the Coalition had attempted to discreetly and respectfully support Aaron (even by paying for therapy) after they discovered Aaron’s use of the Coalition’s organizational email accounts to perpetuate online harassment. 

Aaron’s behavior has been profoundly inappropriate and not at all reflective of our vision of healthy lesbian dating and relationships that we aim to positively represent, promote, and analyze through Stone Butch Disco. Aaron lied and omitted information about several of Aaron’s relationships with women. After hearing for weeks about a woman who Aaron claimed was “interfering” in Aaron’s personal and professional life, we learned that not only was this false, but also that Aaron sent unwanted messages to her and her friends for months, culminating in a profession of love sent to her in the same time period in which Aaron was claiming she was victimizing Aaron (roughly a week before the 6th episode was recorded and sent without authorization to her friends and professional contacts). Another woman had been receiving unwanted romantic messages for months after blocking Aaron and clearly stating that she was not interested, to which Aaron had responded by attacking her character to their shared professional contacts and to us. We unequivocally condemn this behavior. 

Going forward, we hope to continue building Stone Butch Disco as a hub for robust collaboration among butches and femmes to explore the beauty and complexity of butch-femme sexuality and relationships. We will re-record and release excerpts of conversations from this five-episode stretch that we still believe to be generative of meaningful conversation, but moving forward, will in no way associate with The Bearded Lesbian or Aaron Kimberly.

Signed,

Rachel and Akiva of Stone Butch Disco